Calm in the Storm

I know I haven't posted lately. There has been a huge storm here, metaphorically. I am not panicking, but attempting to find peace in Jesus. To continually lay down my worries and ungodly thoughts, to just be with Him. It sounds so easy to do, trust me it isn't. I wonder if my old sin nature is creeping back, the selfish desires to want more and be understood. I know that God created us for relationships, but I struggle to find the contentment that is in Him. To find that calm in the midst of the storm.
John 6:16-21
16When evening came, his disciples went down to the lake, 17where they got into a boat and set off across the lake for Capernaum. By now it was dark, and Jesus had not yet joined them. 18A strong wind was blowing and the waters grew rough. 19When they had rowed three or three and a half miles,[a] they saw Jesus approaching the boat, walking on the water; and they were terrified. 20But he said to them, "It is I; don't be afraid." 21Then they were willing to take him into the boat, and immediately the boat reached the shore where they were heading.

How many times have I allowed my fear to overtake me? To not trust in Him and His love, His goodness, His perfectness. Make me willing Lord, change my heart.

Hope in the Darknes

I just want more of Jesus and less of me. My fear has locked me into so many dark places. My fear of failing those I love, of not being the wife, mother, and friend that God wants me to be. When Sam was born, it was amazing. You can't fully comprehend God's love and His sacrifice, but having your own child changes your view point. Knowing that God understands it all (the joys, the pain, you.), is amazing. I am so weak, so flawed. I can only fall at His feet and ask Him to be it all. To pick me up and lead me, in the everlasting way.

The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:28-31

HOPE.

Scales falling, coal burning...

On my journey with Christ I am pondering, so much grey. I don't think about why bad things happen to good people, why there is suffering, or why have I had so much pain, rather why did God call me?
Isaiah 6: 5-8 "Woe to me", I cried. "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty. Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar. With it he touched my mouth and said, "See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for." Then I heard the Lord saying, "whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here I am. Send me.!"
Saul's conversion....Acts 9 Then Ananias went to the house and entered it. Placing his hands on Saul, he said, "Brother Saul, the Lord-Jesus, who appeared to you on the road as you were coming here-has sent me so that you may see again and be filled with the Holy Spirit." Immediately something like scales fell from Saul's eyes, and he could see again. He got up and was baptized, and after taking some food, he regained his strength. "
When God calls us.... For me it was a defined moment in time. God called me home. I saw him in His holiness, perfectness, yet not so distant, His arms were outstretched, and He said, "My child, come to me" I laid down all of my burdens my pain and embraced My Father. For the first time in my life, my lips were cleansed by the coals, burning down into the depths of my soul, the scales miraculously fell from my eyes. I saw His holiness, His love, HIM. Ahhh the miracle of conversion, when Jesus embraces your soul, takes away all your sin, all that is imperfect, He bears our weight, even though he can see into the depths of our soul. 2 Corinthians 5:17, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new Creation, the old has gone, the new has come!"
So I can rejoice in Jesus, that He is willing, if I allow, to call me His. We mustn't forget the reality of it all though, Paul writes to Timothy, 1 Timothy 1:15, "...Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners-of whom I am the worst." Haven't we all felt this way? I can say I have. Thankfully in our weakness He is made strong....2 Corinthians 12:8-10 “But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
I know I don't have all the answers, but He called me to be HIS. That in my weakness, He will be glorified. It is so scary to let God has His ways, you must be willing to "delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:10. That might just be the scariest prayer I have prayed, have me God, do with me as You want, that I may glorify You, may I delight in my weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties, that You may be glorified.

Little Blessings.....

Devotion

I decided that I want to start blogging again. I know I like to talk....so this is a really good outlet for me. I am feeling very introspective these days, too much time on my hands. I know with four kids, how is that possible? Pat being home so much. Simple answer. Also the MOVE. It freed up my life. I am thinking lots about Jesus and my life with him. I want this blog to be one of my journey with him. I don't want to publicly show how great of a follower I am, rather what a failure I am as a human with out Him. In reality, we are sinners, I tell my kids all the time, I am NOT perfect. I make mistakes and need Mommy time outs too. I have been following Jesus for 20 years. Wow, that is a long time. I am ashamed to say I don't know him as well as I should. I have drifted away from my first love at many points in my life and tried on my own to be the best me I could be. Along the way I always loved him, but it was sometimes out of obligation. I would do the work, allowing God to touch me where I wanted him to. I have been praying a scary prayer, that I would seek him with all my heart, and be the ME he wants me to be. It isn't easy, we so want to be comfortable, happy, content. Following Jesus without abandon can't always be these things. So will you join me on my journey? If you are here, it is because I call you friend. See me at my best, see me at my worst, but be patient God isn't done with me yet. In HIS love....Valerie