Thou the darkness hide thee....

There are many days I look at my life and am so joyful, for all that God has given me, his love, my family, health etc... On these days my cup seems to naturally overflow. Then there are those days, I am sure you know of them yourself, the days when the only friend you have left is darkness (Psalm 88). How difficult is it to be thankful, to worship God, on those days. Those however are the days that we need to authentically worship him. We find Paul and Silas in Acts 16, they had been traveling and preaching the word. They were beaten and thrown in jail (see acts 16 for the whole story), and in the midst of this suffering they began to sing, "Along about midnight, Paul and Silas were at prayer and singing a robust hymn to God. The other prisoners couldn't believe their ears. Then, without warning, a huge earthquake! The jailhouse tottered, every door flew open, all the prisoners were loose."(Acts 16:25) I can't help but believe that not only a physical act of being "loose" occurred. When we worship Jesus our hearts are released, and he is allowed to be the one to fill our cup. There have been many times when I fell on my knees in awe of Jesus, in spite of the feeling of being very alone and my cup being half empty. I promise my friends, Jesus never left my cup empty. "Worship is the only thing you take with you when you go." Brett Barry. I don't know about you, but suddenly I am in the mood to worship the lover of my soul.

Obedience in Christ

We all have a choice to make when the bumps in the road come along. The things in this world that throw you off your usual happy course, those lows are never welcome. God however, has allowed them, and can use them, like my last blog stated, to draw us into Him.

Genesis 50:19-21 (The Message)

19-21 Joseph replied, "Don't be afraid. Do I act for God? Don't you see, you planned evil against me but God used those same plans for my good, as you see all around you right now—life for many people. Easy now, you have nothing to fear; I'll take care of you and your children." He reassured them, speaking with them heart-to-heart.

One of the biggest bumps in the road, was the loss of my father to cancer. I was only 9. Over the two years of his illness I saw my family crumble. What had once been a very secure place for a child became a very scary, uneasy, dark place. Once he passed away, I remember feeling at a total loss. My dear mother was now left with three kids and a very empty heart. Although she had claimed to believe, she never relied on Christ and his strength to carry her though this time. Once he left me, it was as if my life as I knew it was over. I can't even recall the year he passed away, my teacher, my friends, trips or special events, all I remember is the day I left what was left of my life, my family was moving to Oregon. I spent many years in what I can only call now a deep depression. Now why am I telling you all this? Only to show you what God did for me. Although He allowed all this, He knew what the story in the end would look like. My father became a believer a little before his death, I truly don't believe this would have happened with out his illness. I also received my grace from God about 6 years later. I am not sure if I didn't have this void, the deep emptiness if I would have choose to follow Christ, of course I hope I would have, but I don't know. My life with Christ is my joy. I am full of life, hope, love, the Holy Spirit. Those bumps in the road are difficult, they can be long, uncomfortable, awful, but God desires to use them to Glorify Himself. We have to be obedient to God when going through these times, to be used by Him. A good friend reminded me recently, "obedience in Christ", to cling to Him and follow His way through the bumps in the road. Sometimes we can't see the good God is meaning in short story, but we must trust Him and allow Him to use us, knowing that He knows the long story, the end. We can know the joy and peace that comes from obeying God, it isn't an easy path or choice, but the rewards are ones we can't even imagine.

Isaiah 1:19-20 (The Message)

...this is God's Message:
"If your sins are blood-red,
they'll be snow-white.
If they're red like crimson,
they'll be like wool.
If you'll willingly obey,
you'll feast like kings.
But if you're willful and stubborn,
you'll die like dogs."
That's right. God says so

My friends, may you "feast like kings", may your hearts overflow with the joy and peace that comes only from obedience in Christ.

Rescue Me

I think if we are all honest, we've been in a place where we feel the need to be rescued. Lately I have been struggling with my own sin, my own lack of faith. I feel like I am enduring many trials. Not that I would ever compare myself to Paul, but we can draw from his wisdom and knowledge, his life. Paul endured many trials and tribulations. Paul was stoned to the point, where they believed he was dead (see Acts 14:1-20). He also spoke of a thorn in his side, a messenger of Satan, to torment me (2 Corinthians 12:7). He was a man who boldly dared to speak out for the Lord, yet the physical, mental/emotional suffering was great. God could have made his life so easy and still made Paul an amazing child of God. Yet he didn't. Paul was constantly met with physical road blocks and mental/emotional ones. We are told he was asking God to rescue him to deliver him from the pain. "Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Cor. 12:8,9) Paul also talks about being rescued in 2 Timothy 3:11, "persecutions, sufferings—what kinds of things happened to me in Antioch, Iconium and Lystra, the persecutions I endured. Yet the Lord rescued me from all of them." So what ever we are going through be it a physical pain or emotional pain, God will rescue us. His grace is sufficient. "The original word for rescue in 2 Timothy 3:11, is rhuomai, which is derived from a word meaning to "drag along the ground" Rhuomai means "to draw or snatch from danger, rescue, deliver."....this is more with the meaning of drawing to oneself then merely rescuing from someone or something." (Beth Moore, To Live is Christ). So through our pain, God is wanting to rescue us, as in Draw us to himself. "...Our deliverance comes when we're dragged from the enemy of our souls to the heart of God." Now if we can just find the faith and trust to put in God that he will draw us to him, rescue us, rhuomai. Jesus, rescue me from my sin, myself, draw me into you, no matter the cost. May all our hearts be at a place where we are wanting to be drawn into Jesus.

Calm in the Storm

I know I haven't posted lately. There has been a huge storm here, metaphorically. I am not panicking, but attempting to find peace in Jesus. To continually lay down my worries and ungodly thoughts, to just be with Him. It sounds so easy to do, trust me it isn't. I wonder if my old sin nature is creeping back, the selfish desires to want more and be understood. I know that God created us for relationships, but I struggle to find the contentment that is in Him. To find that calm in the midst of the storm.
John 6:16-21
16When evening came, his disciples went down to the lake, 17where they got into a boat and set off across the lake for Capernaum. By now it was dark, and Jesus had not yet joined them. 18A strong wind was blowing and the waters grew rough. 19When they had rowed three or three and a half miles,[a] they saw Jesus approaching the boat, walking on the water; and they were terrified. 20But he said to them, "It is I; don't be afraid." 21Then they were willing to take him into the boat, and immediately the boat reached the shore where they were heading.

How many times have I allowed my fear to overtake me? To not trust in Him and His love, His goodness, His perfectness. Make me willing Lord, change my heart.

Hope in the Darknes

I just want more of Jesus and less of me. My fear has locked me into so many dark places. My fear of failing those I love, of not being the wife, mother, and friend that God wants me to be. When Sam was born, it was amazing. You can't fully comprehend God's love and His sacrifice, but having your own child changes your view point. Knowing that God understands it all (the joys, the pain, you.), is amazing. I am so weak, so flawed. I can only fall at His feet and ask Him to be it all. To pick me up and lead me, in the everlasting way.

The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:28-31

HOPE.

Scales falling, coal burning...

On my journey with Christ I am pondering, so much grey. I don't think about why bad things happen to good people, why there is suffering, or why have I had so much pain, rather why did God call me?
Isaiah 6: 5-8 "Woe to me", I cried. "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty. Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar. With it he touched my mouth and said, "See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for." Then I heard the Lord saying, "whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here I am. Send me.!"
Saul's conversion....Acts 9 Then Ananias went to the house and entered it. Placing his hands on Saul, he said, "Brother Saul, the Lord-Jesus, who appeared to you on the road as you were coming here-has sent me so that you may see again and be filled with the Holy Spirit." Immediately something like scales fell from Saul's eyes, and he could see again. He got up and was baptized, and after taking some food, he regained his strength. "
When God calls us.... For me it was a defined moment in time. God called me home. I saw him in His holiness, perfectness, yet not so distant, His arms were outstretched, and He said, "My child, come to me" I laid down all of my burdens my pain and embraced My Father. For the first time in my life, my lips were cleansed by the coals, burning down into the depths of my soul, the scales miraculously fell from my eyes. I saw His holiness, His love, HIM. Ahhh the miracle of conversion, when Jesus embraces your soul, takes away all your sin, all that is imperfect, He bears our weight, even though he can see into the depths of our soul. 2 Corinthians 5:17, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new Creation, the old has gone, the new has come!"
So I can rejoice in Jesus, that He is willing, if I allow, to call me His. We mustn't forget the reality of it all though, Paul writes to Timothy, 1 Timothy 1:15, "...Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners-of whom I am the worst." Haven't we all felt this way? I can say I have. Thankfully in our weakness He is made strong....2 Corinthians 12:8-10 “But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
I know I don't have all the answers, but He called me to be HIS. That in my weakness, He will be glorified. It is so scary to let God has His ways, you must be willing to "delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:10. That might just be the scariest prayer I have prayed, have me God, do with me as You want, that I may glorify You, may I delight in my weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties, that You may be glorified.

Little Blessings.....

Devotion

I decided that I want to start blogging again. I know I like to talk....so this is a really good outlet for me. I am feeling very introspective these days, too much time on my hands. I know with four kids, how is that possible? Pat being home so much. Simple answer. Also the MOVE. It freed up my life. I am thinking lots about Jesus and my life with him. I want this blog to be one of my journey with him. I don't want to publicly show how great of a follower I am, rather what a failure I am as a human with out Him. In reality, we are sinners, I tell my kids all the time, I am NOT perfect. I make mistakes and need Mommy time outs too. I have been following Jesus for 20 years. Wow, that is a long time. I am ashamed to say I don't know him as well as I should. I have drifted away from my first love at many points in my life and tried on my own to be the best me I could be. Along the way I always loved him, but it was sometimes out of obligation. I would do the work, allowing God to touch me where I wanted him to. I have been praying a scary prayer, that I would seek him with all my heart, and be the ME he wants me to be. It isn't easy, we so want to be comfortable, happy, content. Following Jesus without abandon can't always be these things. So will you join me on my journey? If you are here, it is because I call you friend. See me at my best, see me at my worst, but be patient God isn't done with me yet. In HIS love....Valerie